Ramblings of a trashbag...

it's amazing. isn't it?
i need everyones advice/opinion/help....PLEASE.
even if i don't know you, just help me on this one.
on the gold coast i have:
-New car...very sexy
-High paying job
-Family
-The Michael

Peter is leaving for cape york on sunday, wants me to go with him.
i can't decide what to do!? adventures always distract me. peter is awesome he's my kinda/sort of.
we'd be taking two cars up, my friend Shane is also leaving.
it's for a long time.
peter has cuddle levels. how often do you find a sexy man with green eyes and a tattoo almost as stupid as yours who reserves the right to bitch about the fact he hasn't had enough cuddles?

Shit. I can't keep my job if i leave, I'd be leaving my car here, I can't figure out a way to tell my family or michael.

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU WOULD DO????

xx JULia

raa.
I've been spending time tho with this boy named guy but to hault confusion we'll call him Remmie.
He's born on the 3rd of june, one day and five years before me but both this crazy mix of gemini.
we're very simillar anger is generally light hearted and moods painfully flippent.
he likes me. he treats me really well and just wants to look after me.
i don't know tho. i think he's an awesome guy and if i was to give some more time to him would probly develop some feelings of something....huh.
we take drugs together, that's something i'm good at doing. so we both have these very drug fucked happy really happy times together. we have bad come downs so we both have these grumpy moments where everyone gets hurt but everyone is very sorry. the drunk times when we just laugh. finally the sober times when i dont want anyone to touch me or be near me because i'm still hung up on this ideal of me and my body being souly for lee. i do like him (when i'm sober as well) but i think my scar tissue from lee is so new it's still forming.
someone tell me how to reclaim my head and heart cos this is just stupid.

start my new job tomorrow.
i'm working for bravehearts, they protect children who have been sexually abused.
lee and i aren't together anymore and for the life of me i can't figure out how to stop loving him.
stuff is hard at the moment.
i remember why i don't get along with myself.
...crazy.

i was designated driver on new years.
dont ask me to explain how this happened but it did, and as a direct result i have slept my entire way through yesterday and last night.
i did however get lots of fun things to sniff swallow smoke and suck.
i've convinced him not to deal anymore!! yay!!

lee took so much and drank so much. i was walking him to the car so i could take him home cos he wasnt well.
he turned white and blue and purple.
it was horrible.
everyone who was able to stand came to help everyone was freaking out he was dropping away and sweating.
eventually with the help of greg and percy he was placed in a safe room where i ordered about 20 people out and tried to figure out what to do.
the upside is i did have some know how thanks to marcus about what to do when this happens. the other was the hospital was close by.
so i sponged bathed, and forced water as well as vitimin c and within a few hours he had come back round.
i knew he was getting better when he tried to crack a lesbian joke.

it was scary and left me shaken for some time.

i moved into a new place its pretty cool its 60 km from brisbane :0

best of luck for this year guys xx

sorry i havent really been updating.
lee and i are still together.
i work a 9 - 5 job monday to friday for mercury blue.
the people are really cool i went out with my two bosses last night and got shitfaced.
lost my car.
found it.
but it was funny when it was lost.
i've been working so much and sleeping so little just because night is the only time lee and i can go out together so we stay up til one most mornings and i wake up a five....wait point?
oh yeah working so hard so tired i've lost 8 kilos in the last week and a half.
can't say i'm complaining but lee isnt to happy about my breast size rapidly srinking.
lol.
anyway i've managed to cut back on how often i use pills but not how many. two last friday and three on saturday.
then two this thursday and one last night plus four points of speed over friday and saturday.
i made top sales person in the nation this week...i was proud.

hope everyone is going well.

i took acid last night.
still awake.
lee wont speak to me and i've got a job interview in two hours, thank god im coming down.
....when the better half or things are so absurd and grotesque that you can't move it tends to be hard to think that you're going to make it somewhere.
i guess i just grew up.
big learning curb.
and now i don't know what i've got but myself, the few morals i have let gather dust in the corner and i think i've lost a very underapreciated boyfriend (?)
it really did take acid to make me grow up.
glad i'm done with drugs.
no more?
deal.

met a guy named bruce he told me this....

a little sparrow was late for flying away for the winter.
he said fuck it i'll give it a try.
20 minutes into it he can feel his little wings freezing, 10 minutes and they are frozen.
he crashes into a cows field.
the cow looks at this little sparrow freezing to death and takes a dump on him.
the sparrow was so happy, defrosting his wing he starts singing out.
this singing attracts the attention of the cat.
the cat walks up to him, pulls him out of the shit and eats him up.

three morals.

1. people who dump shit on you aren't always your enimes.

2. people who get you out of shit aren't always your friends.

and finally...

3. if you're happy and warm don't open your big mouth.

:D

this is a favorite of mine by tim burton, it's called voodoo girl...

Her skin is white cloth,
and she's all sewn apart
and she has many colored pins
sticking out of her heart.

She has many different zombies
who are deeply in her trance.
She even has a zombie
who was originally from France.

But she knows she has a curse on her,
a curse she cannot win.
For if someone gets
too close to her,

the pins stick farther in.

went out last night with mick rowan and cam
didnt take my phone
took two pills
lee found me via numerous phone calls and we spoke brefly at about 1130
it was 6am before i dragged my drug fucked self to a safe place, his warm arms.
woke up a little while ago.
he pushed and pushed until i admitted i was addicted.
that's kinda where it ends.
things just dont put strain on our relationship for some reason?
we just love each other, it's as simple as that.
went and saw michael and lynton
ate some chicken with rowan
i think we'll start drinking a few soon....meant to be going out tonight....meant to be seeing lee tonight...last night was the first time i chose drugtaking over him. i feel ashamed.
i hope i make the right choice tonight.

baby you're all that i want
when you're lying here in my arms
im finding it hard to believe
we're in heaven
loving is all that i need
and i found it there in your heart
it isnt to hard
to see
we're in heaven

do do do do do do do da da da da da

love that beat

beat me

beat
me

they took my speed off me
so i've been drinking
still sober
dont like alcohol after meeting its big brothers
looking for ashas number to go find her in brisbane and bring her here
my phone wont work
ha
nothing works
everything is fun
nothing is fine
but everything has a strange twist at the end
or is that just a come down

the room is spinning and i am somewhere else
i dont fucking care about my health
my heart is racing
vision is unclear
all my pain is gone
im a world away now
im not addicted i just cant get enough

i want all my shit back.
photo's music
everything.
i'm tired of disapointing people and i'm tired of them doing it to me.

fuck it.

suck your own dick.

thanks to everyone who commented and who have supported me and respected my choice....

come on baby try and understand how i feel when i'm in your hands
they can't hurt you now
can't touch you now
because the night belongs to us
because the night belongs to lovers

who said techno wasn't deep?

he cheated.
he denys it.
i believe him.
wtf.

oh the joys of living on the indy track.

Steve Wynn can get fucked.

Wynn had just finalised a $US139 million ($A184.8 million) sale to another collector of his painting, called Le Reve (The Dream), when he poked a finger-sized hole in the artwork while showing it to friends at his Las Vegas office a couple of weeks ago.

Wynn had raised his hand to show the group something about Picasso's 1932 portrait of his mistress Marie-Therese Walter.

"At that moment, his elbow crashed backward right through the canvas. There was a terrible noise,"

"Smack in the middle ... was a black hole the size of a silver dollar. 'Oh shit,' he said. 'Look what I've done."'

he's touched my life and my heart so much with such a small gesture.
it's so strange.
like someone licking your face.
it wasn't necerssarily bad.
if you told other people about it they'd be weirded out.
and not everyone could get away with doing it.

i just want to hold his hand til he wakes up from this nightmare so i know he is okay.

wow.
pissed off.
people need to snap out of their bullshit.
including me i know.
lets do a collective snap.
one...

two.....

three!!

did it work?.....


of course not.

can i just say that i would will have never pressured anyone to do drugs.
i know that im changing and right now is a transitional stage in my life.
i understand the importance of not getting 'stuck' in transitional stages and that it is in no way an excuse.

there is no reason to distance yourself from me like you are.
my friends i have known for 5 plus years and im not in the habit of just throwing people away or using them.

just a little thought for you, the reader.

i no my readers are few and far between but seriously, come on...

XXXX comes back in a few days.
there isnt much i can do to let him know how i feel now.
he's been contacting me for a few weeks now and i know how much i miss him but i dont think even responding to him is a good idea.
i havent replied to any txt of his but he gets why and so he keeps just letting me know whats going on.
i'm drunk on gin.
i can't wait to be back in brisbane.
:)